27 September 2006

Being a bit of a STINKER

...These last fews days I have been feeling down...Is it the fact that I know that the sun will come and go faster or the fact that it is so freakin dark in the morning when I get up or is it me being a little stinker and selfish and wanting more of what I can't have?
Well if you are following me, it would be the that I am feeling selfish and wanting what I can't have at the moment.
I am asking myself the same question.
It's the daily grind.
It's not being able to take the time for the small things.
Playing at the park.
Sipping coffee.
Movie nights and popcorn.
Eating chips and salsa in the living room with Sidney...Her favorite food.

Time is slipping away from me.
So here it is...You know how you wish or you want what you can't have.
For instance, you have big boobs, you want small ones, you have curly hair, you want straight hair. I think you get my drift.
I want to be a "soccer mom". I would like to stay home with my kids. If you were to read previous blogs you would find this hard to believe. There are days where I could reach out and smack my own children or I am yelling at them to hurray and get in the car but deep down in my heart there has been an ache where no one else can see and I believe that ache is me wanting to be home everyday with my children{...How about I work part time...}
I feel like I miss out on the little things that happen day in and day out of my children lives. Porter will be one this week. ONE (1) Yes, I said one. Last year at this time I was waddling around.
Where did the time go?
I am not planning on having any more children, it's not like I can have another chance at this super mom thing. I do miss out on the little THINGS that happen daily while their at day care and it's hard knowing that I will not get another chance to "do it over again". Yes, I yell at my cute Sidney and I understand that it would be Changeling at home just like it can be Changeling at work but something tells me that I need to be at home.
Then next questions:
Where do I go from here?
I am not sure.
I need to think more.
I am working for a reason.
...Time to think...
Just what I need to do...Thinking is what gets me in trouble.
I call it the "T" word, for the lack of thinking that I don't do sometimes.
Well I better start working while at work...
By-the-way I am taking a scrapbooking class tonight with my mom...
I'll let you know how it goes.
Love ya'll!

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